My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
