he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
