Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
