I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
