This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Found the puke drawer
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
