New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
