A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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