I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
