I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
