i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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