Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
