so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
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So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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