Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
