Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
