Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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