We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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