You're so nebulous sometimes
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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