i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
