Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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