I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
smell my finger.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
