I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
