have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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