i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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