I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
