If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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