apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize