either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
