she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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