Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dignity is for republicans.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
