I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
