and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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