Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
