I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
