That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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