BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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