i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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