wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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