apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
