I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
