peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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