i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
