In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
