I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
