So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
