..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
