Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
