once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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