I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
