We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
