dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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