Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
