New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
