i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
