Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
