remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
