I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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