We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
