do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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