Need sex. Gaining weight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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