I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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