good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
