KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
