I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
