Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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