You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
