Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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