What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
