The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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