Cold hands, warm shart.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Say something about gay babies.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize