and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
